


Dear Sherlock

by MissLee



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Catharsis, Death in Childbirth, Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Hopeful Ending, Implied Mpreg, Letters, M/M, Parentlock, Poor John, Pregnant Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 06:11:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLee/pseuds/MissLee
Summary: A series of letters John writes to Sherlock after he dies while giving birth to their little girl."Dear SherlockYou left me today and now I'm stuck here penning a letter you'll never read listening to the sound of our daughter crying because you aren't here to hold her."





	Dear Sherlock

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short I'm experiencing writers block (surprise surprise) and I've been reading an awful lot of Mpreg. 
> 
> Inspiration struck.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

Dear Sherlock,

You left me today and now I'm stuck here penning a letter you'll never read listening to the sound of our daughter crying because you aren't here to hold her. 

She doesn't know me, won't stop crying if I try and shush her, it's not me she wants. It's you we need but you aren't here. 

I'm so fucking angry with you, Sherlock. How dare you die like that, how dare you leave me with a daughter I don't know how to look after and a hole in my universe that I can't repair? Fuck. It's not even just a hole. You've torn the whole fucking thing to shreds and you'll never be able to put it back together again.

I miss you,

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

Everything hurts and it won't fucking stop. It's a week since you left me behind and the drink doesn't help and she still doesn't know me. She doesn't cry continuously anymore but she still feels that you aren't there. 

I hate her for taking you away from me. I can barely look at her. Why did she have to replace you? Why aren't I allowed to keep the good things in my life for once? Why won't it stop fucking hurting? 

Everything's useless and I want to give up, 

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

I thought it was supposed to get easier but everything about her reminds me of you. She's got your beautiful eyes and the same dark hair and she's perfect but I can't love her because she's the reason you're gone from my sights. 

I feel like a failure. I keep just dumping her on people and I feel like I'm waiting for them to say I can't keep doing that to actually start recovering. But they don't, they smile wanly and say they'll take her for as long as I need and then I go back to what once was our flat and try not to think about you prancing around solving cases and conducting experiments and can you believe I even miss the bloody fucking body parts in the fridge? 

It's been a month and I still miss you every second,

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile but it doesn't matter because these letters will never be sent and I'll never get the chance to hear you make fun of my overly romantic poetic prose ever again.

I suppose I'm doing better. I'm not as angry anymore, but I'd be lying if I said I'm completely fine. I'm trying to spend more time with her and I think... Well, I don't know what I think, but Mrs Hudson seems proud of me. She misses you too, everyone does.

We're trying, 

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

She's growing so fast you wouldn't believe it, you'd probably start conducting experiments if you were here. I still miss you everyday but it's getting easier. I drink less now than I did six months ago when I first had to cope with you not being here. Maybe you'd be proud of me, I hope you would. 

I know I haven't said I love you in any of these letters but I do. 

Always,

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

I've been dreading this. 

Today, someone suggested that I maybe start to think about dating again, but how could I when the only person I have ever truly loved is gone from this world? How could I when I've only just started to be able to say I love our daughter without it feeling like a lie and the words turning to ash in my mouth? 

People think I should be over it by now but I'm not. I keep thinking I should be, and it was ok, for awhile. But now I feel your loss more keenly than ever. Everyone else is starting to forget you but I can never seem to banish you from my thoughts.

I love you. Please come back to me,

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

Our baby turns one today. It's been a year since I lost you and I think of you often, but it's fond instead of saddening. Don't get me wrong, I miss you like the Earth misses the sun in the midst of the deepest winter but without the darkness I could never appreciate the light. 

The seasons change and with it our darling grows and I can see parts of myself in her now whereas before I was blind to anything other than the image of you. She becomes more lovely everyday, and she's just as curious as you always were. 

I want her to know you, I want her to know that you love her and that you would have done anything for her. 

I'll try and do you justice, My Love,

John

* * *

Dear Sherlock, 

I am not foolish enough to think it will always be easy, but today I know that I am strong enough to carry on.

All my love, 

John 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ps. I cried while writing this.
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://missleeismyname.tumblr.com/)


End file.
